Maria didn’t have a clue what was wrong in her life. With her flowing hair, pleasant smile, and big brown eyes, she was attractive enough, or at least so she thought. And with all the school activities and clubs she joined—most of which she headed—what possibly could be wrong? She was, after all, in control of every little detail that could possibly affect her. It made her feel safe, confident, and important.
For example, when Maria came into the lunchroom, she always had to sit in the exact same seat with her friends, even if it meant asking ever so politely for someone to move. And if that person didn’t get up right away, Maria would start to say things that a young lady simply shouldn’t. And if words did not work, then Maria would give the wayward student a little nudge. Usually, it did not get that far, and rather than be further bothered, the would-be fellow lunch mate left. Then Maria’s conversation with her friends would continue as if nothing had happened.
But as time went by, Maria began to notice that she had fewer and fewer friends. She couldn’t understand why the kids she had grown up with, some of whom had been with her since kindergarten, no longer wanted anything to do with her. It reached the point where half the time she was eating alone in the cafeteria. And when she walked down the halls and saw kids chatting, she noticed students avoiding her when she tried to say something.
Things got worse, until one day Maria saw a group of kids she used to call her friends chatting at a study table in the back of the library. They were half hidden by a bookshelf. Summoning up all the courage she had, Maria walked down the library aisle and ducked down behind the bookshelf, just next to, but hidden from, her friends. She was shocked by what she heard.
“What’s come over Maria? I want absolutely nothing to do with her anymore,” said Jenny, who used to be Maria’s best friend. “She has to be in total control of everything. Everything has to be the way she wants it. Maria has to pick the movie we see, who we sit with at lunch, what happens in the clubs she runs. She doesn’t care what anyone else thinks but her,” she added angrily.
When Maria had finished listening to each of her former friends criticize her along the same lines, she left the library in tears. She felt very much alone, frightened, and miserable. She had thought she had everything under control—but now she realized that she wasn’t in control at all.
There was one thing, for all her maneuvering, she had not been able to control—other people’s hearts. Hearts had to be won. And, from what her friends had been saying, she had a long way to go to win theirs back.
Question for reflection
1. How could it be that Maria had no idea that she was being so selfish? Couldn’t she see its effect on her friends? Do people sometimes not know how much they are offending others?
2. Why is it important to take other people’s ideas into account when you are making a decision?
3. Do you have any friends (don’t mention names) who act like Maria? How do you react to them? Do you try to change them in any way?
4. Do you see any of Maria’s behavior in yourself? What is it, and how does it make you feel?
5. How can selfishness affect a person, besides losing friends?
6. If a person thinks he or she might be “selfish,” what can he or she do to stop being so?
7. What is the best way to make and keep friends? Which of these things have you tried yourself and how did it work out?
Exercise
What have you done to create and keep harmony in your relationships? Think about such relationships as those in your family, at school, and in your neighborhood.
Maria's story
Table of Contents
For example, when Maria came into the lunchroom, she always had to sit in the exact same seat with her friends, even if it meant asking ever so politely for someone to move. And if that person didn’t get up right away, Maria would start to say things that a young lady simply shouldn’t. And if words did not work, then Maria would give the wayward student a little nudge. Usually, it did not get that far, and rather than be further bothered, the would-be fellow lunch mate left. Then Maria’s conversation with her friends would continue as if nothing had happened.
But as time went by, Maria began to notice that she had fewer and fewer friends. She couldn’t understand why the kids she had grown up with, some of whom had been with her since kindergarten, no longer wanted anything to do with her. It reached the point where half the time she was eating alone in the cafeteria. And when she walked down the halls and saw kids chatting, she noticed students avoiding her when she tried to say something.
Things got worse, until one day Maria saw a group of kids she used to call her friends chatting at a study table in the back of the library. They were half hidden by a bookshelf. Summoning up all the courage she had, Maria walked down the library aisle and ducked down behind the bookshelf, just next to, but hidden from, her friends. She was shocked by what she heard.
“What’s come over Maria? I want absolutely nothing to do with her anymore,” said Jenny, who used to be Maria’s best friend. “She has to be in total control of everything. Everything has to be the way she wants it. Maria has to pick the movie we see, who we sit with at lunch, what happens in the clubs she runs. She doesn’t care what anyone else thinks but her,” she added angrily.
When Maria had finished listening to each of her former friends criticize her along the same lines, she left the library in tears. She felt very much alone, frightened, and miserable. She had thought she had everything under control—but now she realized that she wasn’t in control at all.
There was one thing, for all her maneuvering, she had not been able to control—other people’s hearts. Hearts had to be won. And, from what her friends had been saying, she had a long way to go to win theirs back.
Question for reflection
1. How could it be that Maria had no idea that she was being so selfish? Couldn’t she see its effect on her friends? Do people sometimes not know how much they are offending others?2. Why is it important to take other people’s ideas into account when you are making a decision?
3. Do you have any friends (don’t mention names) who act like Maria? How do you react to them? Do you try to change them in any way?
4. Do you see any of Maria’s behavior in yourself? What is it, and how does it make you feel?
5. How can selfishness affect a person, besides losing friends?
6. If a person thinks he or she might be “selfish,” what can he or she do to stop being so?
7. What is the best way to make and keep friends? Which of these things have you tried yourself and how did it work out?
Exercise
What have you done to create and keep harmony in your relationships? Think about such relationships as those in your family, at school, and in your neighborhood.